he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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