We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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