wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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