I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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