have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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