I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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