I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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