hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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