Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I am full of burrito and curiosity
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
