So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
