Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I want to make a zoo with you.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
