I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
where does the pee come out of this thing
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
