she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
