I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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