Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
