I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
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