So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
