i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
