That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
