Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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