Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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