They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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