I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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