Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
