My hand turned me down
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
