i'm signing you up for texting rehab
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
