i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
