can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
