So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
