hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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