I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
