You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
