Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
