you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
