I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
