Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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