I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
