maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
