I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
