Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
