I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Still dying that you shit outside
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
