So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
