It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
