I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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