She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
