The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
