Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
