Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
