Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
