alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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