A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
