Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
