Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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