Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
