I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
