just tell him i said nine months
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
